Saw that kid from school on the coach reading moments of reprieve. Through the gap between head rests his voice said "have you read if not now when?" A strip of smiling face grinned from the table in front of me and even now, stopping to see the picture better, I cannot decide if it was a class room or a workshop. Thinking maybe it just felt like school room because of the face association process. I need endless coffee and Otis Redding to write this down for you. Thats the thing with my dreams, i cannot speak for you, remembering pictures of lessons and morals but the truth of the scene is shaded. I can tell you if i wash this off i will regret it. It was in that work house that i first realised the seriousness of my situation.

unlucky thirteen.

1. You never start from the same place.
2. You cannot unlearn. Only hope to forget.
3. Even now, forgotten truths are stored, as reference points for future decisions.
4. Its those decisions that make you me.
5. You are a fractal image of self interest. A complex equation. Twisted into such shapes by the bodies natural urge to survive.
6. It is the survival instinct that has been manipulated by the corporations who have replaced religion as the true owners of collective heart.
7. Hands up anyone who asked to join this society.
8. Hands up anyone who felt like they had the choice to opt out.
9. You are not determined by other peoples decisions but by the way you react to the situations you find yourself in.
10. Hold on to your own everchanging truth.
11. Know when to speak up.
12. Know when to stay quiet.
13. Know when to walk away.

Random notebook truth.

It started when they told me whoever won the war wrote the story of it.

Random notebook find. circa 1998.

in the age of medicine religion clings to the terminal cases that science can't save giving hope to the hopeless living in the age of miracles the climate of progress start the apocalypse disco running on a sinking ship i follow hungry rats i am the last in line i will get left behind.

T.I.N.A

I'm
packing up
heading off
got no choice
i'm on this path.

Just
like your bad dreams
there's no way out
and no way back
forced along single tracks.

An
undignified
production line
of human kind
and our bad designs.

Random notebook find. circa 2005

and all i can do is hope and
all i can hope.

Only now that we are poles apart can i see the significance. Aspects of character magnified as separate entities. We all drink for different reasons. The need is everpresent. As this loss consolidates. The system loads another. Level eye contact circle body literate sage of circumstance. The motive behind the nuance. Painting constellation of events for easy reading in the evening (before the bedroom light goes off) A collapse of reason. Futile sun hoper wish the weather where the hole began. Under the stairs child at last. A place to drink. Sit look lonely for a call. A whisper of truth in a look. A thousand stolen glimpses can't recreate a moment of madness. We made for the bright lights. We escaped for these good times. Condensed without the lack. Without the empty fort i built. That these hands built. We realise that to forget one's self is to be one's self. That which we search for. Cataclysmic revelations or mishapen epiphanies to break apart the day. Settle on unknown. Settle with a silent minute. Settle sleeping on cars. Settle with the last name. Settle with a goodness i can't create. Still making new complaints. Always offering such advise. Always as a constant. Always as a standard. Always as a fragment of never. Of always suffering this constant pressure. A new dawn aligns with a new day of terror. Watch gravity force the new collapse.

how do you think we crossed the ocean?