indulge me. these days by nico

i remembered i had this today- its been a while. Its funny how things change. You want the best thing imaginable to happen to someone other than yourself. Yet you can't say it aloud for fear of. (the tip of your tongue) I have identified shortcomings recently. Although doubt and insecurity once recognised, begins to doubt itself, circling the same sorry circles relentless. Not confirmed or denied searching the skies for validation. Its been a while. To have not burned bridges or watch as bridges burn. This distance. You know to say i want the best is to know that i am not the best. To continue, the only path, strive to be somebody worthy of that love. She said you're crazy and i said yes. You remember all the things she said. I lost two people today. A car fought a tree and lost. I remember no bitter words. Emerging from seconds that last hours those soft kisses that felt like forever. Every cell bursting. Minds eye widening to make my fingers feel like sense's heightened and dimmed simultaneously keeping shoes off of bedsheets and holding locked eyes. I wonder from where these words rise, a lost evening with beers and plenty spoken memories. The night Sam did that. The night Darren did what? gosh. I am trying to be more confident in myself. Its hard when you cannot turn your brain from every possible outcome. Its hard when people who have never indulged you with conversation delve into themselves and assume arrogance from their own insecurity. You try to be genuine. You never lie. You never cheat. And you hope. In the black out. You judge others by your own standards. You were not playing games but frantic and reaching out, hoping, with every shout like ringing ears killing cells. You hear nothing except i've been trying to find the words. In bunkers and in barriers remain calm. I justified my actions because i hadn't heard. I justified my actions because i assumed i'd get a response. In bunkers and in barriers please remain calm. Y'know no-one, all is well, just put your hands upon my face. They call you an idiot and a sap. You say so what. I'm honest.
(you hope she finds the notes she left and that they make her smile)